I am joyful

         Long ago I fell into the trap of looking for happiness from things and from other people.  Joy comes from within though.  It is a mindset like most things are.  Sure, there are people and activities that bring me joy, but those moments are fleeting, and it is up to me to maintain my own sense of joy.

        As someone who periodically deals with depression and anxiety, I've learned some hard lessons about my own happiness.  One of my breaking points was when I was in a room full of people (friends) and felt completely alone.  Back then I kept looking to others to spark joy in me, hoping that the time we spent together, and the activities we did would create joy.  Sometimes it did, but it never lasted long, and it wasn't what I was seeking.  Deep down I still felt an immense sadness.  Being tired of feeling that way, I sought out the root of the matter.  What it came down to was the fact that I wasn't happy with myself.  So I made a choice to spend time to get to know who I was as a person.  Slowly over time, I felt better about who I was, and I became more confident, and joy started to come into my life.  It is a journey that I am still very much on, and although I am a mostly happy person, I still have days where I am sad, and that's okay.  We are meant to feel an array of emotions.

        Joy is also a choice.  We have the power over our state of mind.  To be joyful, it is a choice that needs to be made.  There are always going to be circumstances that put us in a negative headspace, but we can always choose to focus on the positive.  Gratitude is something that has helped me focus on the positive, and is something I'm still developing.  When I start to feel down, or in a negative headspace, I choose to be grateful for what I have in my life.  For me, gratitude and joyfulness are two sides of the same coin.  To be joyful is to be grateful for what you have in your life, and to be grateful can create joyfulness in your life.

        I can list all of the things that I am grateful for and that bring me joy in my life, but I'll just leave it with this.  Kung Fu has helped me further develop my relationship with myself, and in turn has made me a more joyful person.  I always have a smile on my face going into class, and always have a bigger smile when I leave.  It is because I am grateful for the time I get to spend there.  It brings me joy to practice this fantastic art with others and not just develop skills of a martial artist, but develop personal growth.