More Thoughts on Resiliency

         Recently I've had a friend who has been struggling with their mental health.  It's gotten worse and worse, until the point where they dropped lines of communication until recently.  It has caused some turmoil within the friend group that we share.  Obviously there are hurt feelings, concern, and confusion.  Was it something that we said or did?  Some of us feel like we have to walk on eggshells around this person.  Some of us just want to let them know that we are here for them, when they are ready.

        One of my other friends and I have been talking about this.  They've been affected more, because they typically spent a lot more time with this individual, and doesn't know where this will leave their friendship.  I was also hurt by this individual's actions, because I just hadn't heard anything, and so didn't know if it was something I did, or if they were even okay.

        The more I thought about it, the more I realized where my frustration was coming from.  They re going through what I have already gone through more than a decade prior.  I struggled with my mental health, depression and anxiety.  Being bullied at a young age, going home to a household that was constantly fighting, etc..  I spent a lot of years angry at my circumstances.  In my early 20's I went through something very similar as to what my friend is going through now.   I distanced myself, and really withdrew.  I lost a lot of friends.  I would hit rock bottom after rock bottom.  Tried to kill myself twice.  Until I realized I needed things to change.

        My healing journey began, and it is still going.  I had a lot of work on healing my relationship with myself, quelling my anger, and learning to open myself up again... which I still struggle with.  I'm lucky that these circumstances softened me and made me more self aware, because it could have easily gone a different direction.  It's given me perspective.  The kind of perspective that has opened my eyes to the hidden battles others are fighting.  It has given me compassion.  I know it is easy to flip the script in these situations and talk about how hurt you are that this person did this.  I did have that moment, but then I asked "Why?".  Why are they doing this?  What are they going through?  I wish someone in my childhood would have had the curiosity and patience with me to ask "Why?".  Obviously my friend is dealing with some pretty big emotions, and those aren't always easy to understand or even express.

        All those battles I have fought have prepared me for this.  Sure they have left scars that no one can see, but I stand taller because of them.  I have more tools at my disposal to help others, as well as patience.  I know the value of small act of kindness.   I know the value of time spent with others.  Most importantly,  I know my value.