I am humble...

         At first I was going to choose "I am intrepid", however, last night's class has been on my mind, and I felt "humble" was more appropriate.  Yes, last night's class was a good reminder for me to stay humble, for it was a humbling class.  We practiced forms, now to be upfront, the humbling experience wasn't the forms themself; I know I have a lot of work to do when it comes to my forms, and I was very grateful for all of Todai Csillag's insights.  The humbling part for me was my physical performance.  I'm the kind of person who likes to go, go, go, and I treat my body like it can do and handle anything.  So much so, that I fear I have overtrained.  More on that in a later blog.  

        As we started to practice with Lao Gar, the first repetition of the form I was feeling good, by the end of the second form I was starting to feel fatigued (mainly my right knee), and as we kept going the worse it got.  This translated to me getting off balance more, higher stances as I didn't want to put much weight on the knee.  It was frustrating to say the least.  In my mind there was a narrative of if my body could just hold up the way I want it too, my forms would be so much better.  I sat with that for a bit, and realized, no, I just need to train differently, train smarter, and I just need to train.  Simple solution, especially when I could have just as easily made it an excuse.  Does my knee cause problems when doing my forms, yes it can, but it shouldn't stop me from doing my forms, it shouldn't stop me from getting better, and it shouldn't stop me from proper stances and technique.

        It was a good reminder that I can't do it all, and that there is no rush to learn.  As long as I keep putting in consistent effort, I will reach my goals eventually.  It's a journey, not a race.  A humbling experience for sure, and one that I need to pay more attention to as I continue to move forward.  Now I talked about being humbled, but does that make me humble?  For sure experiences that humble us can make us more humble, but what is it to be humble?  Am I still humble if I write a blog about being humble?  Being humble is about not boasting about one's own self importance either in their rank in society or their abilities above others.  I am the owner of my own business, does that make me important?  No, I'm just a part of a whole that makes the business run, and I put in the work same as everyone else.  As far as how I present myself in society, I see myself as no different than anyone else; now that doesn't mean I'm ignorant of the fact that I've lived a privileged life.  I just try to treat everyone with empathy and kindness.  In Kung Fu we all have a rank, but again, as proud as I am in my accomplishments, I don't see myself as any more exceptional than any other student, for I'm there for similar reasons of wanting to learn and better myself.

        So am I humble?  I'll let you decide that for yourself, but in my mind, yes I am.