Energy

         I feel like I've reached a point in my training, where if I want to progress the way I want to, I have to do more of the internal work.  There are a lot of times the external is looking alright, but I definitely feel that there is something off about the technique.  The more I explore this aspect, the more questions I have:  is it as simple as just needing to feel the connection between my external harmonies; is it that my centre is off; am I coming out of my centre; is it my intent; am I aligned?  The list goes on.  Some of this may seem like it is still connected to the external, but it is deeper than that.  An aspect for sure is the feeling of Qi.  Where is my energy throughout all of this, and how am I directing that energy.

        As a healer/caregiver, and as a Reiki practitioner, I'm more used to picking-up on others energy and feeling where it is stuck, so that  can move it; however, I am unaccustomed to using my Qi in an aggressive way.  Doing the push hands exercise last week, I noticed I was better able to go with the flow, feel the subtleties in energy of my partner, and redirect.  Not once did I feel like I could impose my own will, my own energy.  Same goes when throwing a punch or kick, I work on body mechanics and throwing a good technique, but I can't quite wrap my head around utilizing my energy in a way to use it behind a technique.  Perhaps I am going about that the wrong way.