Green

         I got promoted to Green belt Wednesday, and had the opportunity to partake in the level 2 class, something that I couldn't pass up.  I've been thinking a lot about how far I've come from being a white belt to now being a green belt and in the level 2 class.  Sifu Brinker always asks after each promotion "Do you feel different?" and the answer is "Absolutely yes!".  So when did this change take place?  Was there a defining moment?  Like most things, the change was gradual.  Defining moment was probably the pandemic, because it forced me to become accountable for my training, and that's when I really started to own my Kung Fu.  Admittedly, Kung Fu was just another one of those things that I did in my life; but now, it's become part of my life.  I'm not going to lie, I do feel added pressure (mostly put there myself), to really up my training, because I know I'm held to a higher standard now.  That's not a bad thing, just something I recognize.  

        Biggest change I've noticed in myself on my journey from being a white belt to green belt is my eye for detail and feeling out my forms.  Doing forms and anything training wise used to be just about doing the movements to learn the movements, cement them in my head so that I can do the form with not too much thought about what comes next.  Now, doing forms and techniques is about how it feels, and not just externally, but internally.  There are some things that look good on the outside, but definitely don't feel right to me on the inside.  Do I know what those are yet? No!  But, I'm trying to figure it out.  It's all about adapting too, because each day is slightly different.  Some days my body is feeling great and everything I do just feels that much better.  There are also days that I know I'm not performing optimally and I have to adjust to that feeling.  It's kind of like being put into a small space and asked to perform, but someone else is taking up that space too, and if you get too close you're going to get hit.  That's exactly what happened Thursday when practicing for the demo.  I had to take the form I created and mould it into something that worked better for the space I was in, and to still have it flow with the beat of the music.  Wasn't without challenges. because my body kept wanting to do what I was training it to do, and I had to be really conscious about changing that mindset that intent to fit what I needed in the moment.

        That's where I'm at one my journey, equal parts nervous and excited.  Excited to keep learning, but also nervous about being able to perform and keep up my training.