Trigger Warning: Intense Content

         I've been struggling with this blog, and not because I didn't know what I wanted to write about, but because of the subject matter.  We talked a lot about perspective in our meeting and many of you have also been blogging about it; and that got me thinking about my own perspective and my journey.  Like many, it's been quite the adventure to get to where I am today, and not without its struggles. There were two times in particular that my journey was almost ended... by myself.  My mental health is something that I've struggled with for most of my life, and there were periods where it was too overwhelming.  Fortunately for me, neither attempt was successful.  So, the fact that I'm here practicing Kung Fu today is quite simply amazing, because it could just as easily not of happened without the cascading events incited by my choices.

        I've gained a lot of perspective over the years, the most relevant of which is the fact that I don't know much, but wish to learn.  Not sure when it happened, and I see it in todays youth, like a mirror of what I used to be like, the confidence of knowing.  Sure, there are things that I am confident in knowing, when it comes to my studies and my practice, but generally I don't have a lot of confidence in knowing much about anything.  I'm just as clueless as the next person.  That's okay, because I've gained an open mind.  I have an easier time of setting my ego aside, so that I can listen and learn instead.  I've also become more accepting of others around me, which in turn has given me the opportunity to hear their stories, and learn from them.

        So was does this have to do with Kung Fu?  Perspective, sure, for one.  Blogging has given me a lot of valuable time to self reflect, which I already did a lot of, but this time it has given me a written record.  It shows me where I was, where I am today, and where I hope to be.  It shows me my character.  Yes, I have bad days, days where I don't make the best choices; but it also shows me the good days, and the days I decided not to give up despite the bad days.  I know I can be a difficult person to read, and part of that is because I spend most of my time in my internal world analyzing all of my actions, when I should be engaging more.  Kung Fu is helping me to come out of that shell more, and being apart of a team like this helps me to engage with others in an authentic way.  I guess that's why I decided to write this blog.  It's not a very uplifting blog, it doesn't reflect how my training is going, and there definitely aren't any numbers being shown; but it doesn't make it any less important.  Again, perspective.  My hope is that someone will read this who may be going through a hard time and decide not to make the same choices I made.

        Thank you for reading.