Is It Just Writers Block, Or Is It Fear?

         Another one of my goals that I set for myself this year, was to write a minimum of 200 pages in the novel that I'm writing.  I started it back in 2018, then got to a point where I haven't touched it till recently. This story is on it's 5th incarnation.  Changed a bit of how I want the story to go, and some of the characters.  I have a good flow with the plot, and know where I want to take the story now.  I have 147 pages written already.  So why am I so reluctant to write more?  The answer I come to is that I'm afraid that people won't like what I've written.  Yes, I know I should be writing it for myself, but I really want other people to enjoy the story too.  For me fictional stories, presented in whatever media, have been a much needed escape for me throughout my life.  Whenever things get stressful in life, I tend to turn to stories, movies mainly, to escape and de-stress.  Don't get me wrong, I don't run from my issues, this just helps me calm and centre myself.  Another huge part of stories for me, is the emotional journey they take me on, and how I can safely relate to what characters are going through, without feeling exposed or vulnerable.

        That's what I want to provide to my audience.  I want to provide them with a space that they can maybe process some of the emotions that they're feeling, in a way that's detached enough from their reality, so that they don't feel vulnerable or exposed.  Sometimes, sure it can be purely about the mental escape and that is important too, but for me it's the emotional attachment.  Think back on your own experiences through stories: the cries, the laughs, the deep conversations had after.  Again, they can be mindless, but they can also be very thought provoking.

        My personal experience with writing, is that it has given me an opportunity to really organize my thoughts in a way that has made me surprise myself.  There is a lot of wisdom in my words that I've drawn from life experiences, that would have otherwise stayed hidden from my conscious mind had I not wrote them out.  I get to share that with my audience, and maybe it will spark in them those lightbulb moments that can help them in their daily life.  Writing too had also helped me process stagnant emotions in myself.  My characters are personal in the fact that they are really just pieces of my personality, and showcase both the light and darker sides of me.  It also just helps me come out of my bubble too, my shyness.  It's a lot easier to be my weird and quirky self, when it's through the lens of a character I created.

        As I'm writing this, I realize too, that I can be the same way in my Kung Fu.  Shy and cocooned.  Afraid of what people think of me.  It hasn't stopped me from my practice, but I wonder if it's stalling my progress....  Anyways, that's all I got before I diverge into a whole other topic.

Current #s: 1900 push-us + sit-ups

                    33 Acts of Kindness

                    21 Km Ran

                    5 reps weapon form (though still in beta)