Subtle art of not giving a F*!K

         I've been listening to an older book by Mark Manson called "The subtle art of not giving a F*!k", the information really isn't anything new to me, but it is rephrased in a way that gave me some more insights.

        One of my key takeaways was the discussion on what we think we want, and what we’re actually willing to do to get it.  The overarching topic was on pain, suffering, and happiness.  It’s argued that pain, although uncomfortable, is a necessary part of our existence, and it lends to our happiness.  Obviously it is more complicated than that, but I’ll explain later.  An example the author used to explain the disconnect between our wants versus our actual action is the rockstar lifestyle.  He mused he thought it would be awesome to be a famous rockstar, and yet he knew he wasn’t willing to put in the constant hours of practice to perfect whatever instrument.  The work that’s needed is the painful part, the suffering, the end result is being a rockstar (happiness?).  It made me think about my journey in Kung Fu.  Wanting the coveted black belt, and realizing that I was in fact willing to put in the work to obtain it.  Same can be said for Mastery.  I think many of us like the idea, but not so many are willing to go through the suffering of obtaining.

         The second point that I was drawn to was about taking responsibility.  The context was towards happiness.  The author talked about how that it is important to acknowledge external influences, but that ultimately we are responsible for how we feel.  Example, you have a boss that’s an absolute a-hole, and sure they are contributing factor, however, are you choosing to put up with it and stay in your current position; or are you willing to get out of dodge and find a place where you’re no longer in that kind of environment?  I know of far too many people that are willing to put up with such things because they are used to the pain of the familiar and afraid of the pain of the unknown.

        Lastly, the topic that piqued my internal gears, was that of expectations and how we value our self worth.  In this instance the author gave two examples.  Example one was about former Beetles band member Pete Best.  Best was ejected from the Beetles before Ringo Starr took his place.  It was speculated that Best was good looking and more popular than the other member.  After months of being in a depression, Best eventually found love, and was quite happy and content in his later years.  Although the Beetles were enormously famous, they struggled with personal relationships.  The second example was that of Megadeth founder Dave Mustaine.  Mustaine was rejected by the famous band Metallica before forming his own band.  He was considered a musical genius and took Megadeth to astounding heights.  However, Mustaine was never satisfied.  You see, his metric for success was by comparing his band to that of Metallica.  He formed Megadeth in spite of Metallica, and even though Megadeth did extremely well, it never reached the same status that Metallica did, and thus Mustaine was never fulfilled by his work.  Lesson here is we need to find better ways of measuring our self worth, because comparing ourselves to others is never the answer.  We’ve all lead vastly different lives.  Some of us came out ahead from the get go, while others less fortunate or privileged had some ground to cover first.

          In conclusion, as the title suggests, we need to be more intentional with the f*!k’s we give.  We can’t go with life never caring about anything, anymore than we can’t go through life caring about everything.  So what’s important to you?