Numbers Update + Living in Mediocrity

 Numbers:

Km's-2143

AOK-706

PU/SU-28,664

DMH-433

Monk Spade-424

Sparring-552

Been successful at having multiple date nights/days with my partner.  Currently getting her through Doctor Who as well, which is nice to share.

Although posting on social media has been good as a whole at work, I haven't made as many informational posts as I would like.

As far as giving back to the community, I am proud that one of my massage therapists is organizing quick 15 minute massages to give, with donations going towards Jasper.  We'll do the Christmas Hamper with the Kinettes in the winter, and I'm working on one other event for first responders.

        I chose to post my numbers first, because at a glance it looks like I'm on track and doing well.  Sure, numbers wise, yes, I'm where I should be at this point in the year.  HOWEVER.  Big however, is that a lot of this has turned into a mindless pattern.  And that is not the point of all this.  I would rather do a third of this by this point mindfully and I'd consider that a success over where I currently am.  Sure, I am still getting incremental progression doing it this way, but it feels hollow.  I know going into the year I wanted my focus to be more on recovery, so I haven't been pushing myself the same way.  Problem is I'm still trying to find that balance.  I was pushing myself way too hard before, overtraining, and raising my cortisol levels so high that I wasn't sleeping and always felt stressed and anxious.

        Truthfully I've been struggling mentally.  I had a rift in my friend group that has put a strain on my personal life, and also been taking up a lot of space in my head.  Last night's meeting I was pretty checked-out.  I was there as a body, and that was kind of it.  I had no space to be a contributing member.  Also, as far as back-to-school week goes, I don't know where I'm going to be at that point, so haven't said anything.  I am a big MAYBE for that.  Feels kind of bad, but that's where I am.

        My plan going forward....  Well, part of it I'm already executing.  Been seeing someone for EMDR work, have had some hard but necessary talks with my friends, and have also been taking this summer as an opportunity to work on me.  Other things I want to start doing again is meditating.  Even if it is only 5 minutes before bed, guided or not.  Get back into journaling, especially gratitude journaling.  I've always found focusing in on gratitude and acts of kindness really help put things back into perspective.  Lastly, doing at least 1 of the many requirements we have, and being truly present and mindful for it.  I'd love some help with that last one, if y'all want to give me a poke and send me a challenge that would be great.  Something fun too.  Having fun is great for putting you in your body and making you fully present.