Softening

         I've been reflecting on the person I am today, versus the person I was five, four, even three years ago.  Five years ago I was full of excitement at the prospect of opening up my business, and still new to my Kung Fu journey.  I was flying back and forth from San Diego to take my Sports Medicine Acupuncture certification, planning a wedding, and also going through a lawsuit.  I was running around all over place and spreading myself thin.

        Four years ago, I was still a relatively new business and having some financial struggles.  Personally I felt a bit lost, and questioned whether or not I was on the right path.  My relationships with my team was strained due to the amount of stress I was under.  Then came the Pandemic, and a period of uncertainty for my business and career choice.

        Three years ago I was still struggling to come back financially from the pandemic, with more debt than I had planned.  Got some new team members, and still trying to find my stride.  I was at the point of decision paralysis.  I just did not want the responsibility of having to make any more decisions, especially ones that affected my business.  I definitely wasn't the best of leaders at this time, and was still questioning whether I was truly doing what I wanted.

        I spent the next couple of years being the most involved that I have been in my Kung Fu.  i practiced gratitude daily, and set out to perform acts of kindness for my team, slowly building back those relationships.  I started to see my business as less of a burden, and more of a gift.  I reminded myself of my "Why" for opening the business.  My relationships continued to improve, and business picked up.

        Vulnerability was the key.  I was softening, letting down the walls I usually kept up.  I had a hard time growing up, and as much as I love people and am kind, I have a hard time of trusting and letting people in for fear of being hurt all over again.  I gave, but was unwilling to receive.  I learned that it was okay to be vulnerable, especially in a leadership role.  It shows others that we're human, and on the same journey, but most importantly, it sets an example of what we can accomplish still, even with that baggage.  I like to think I've become closer to my Kung Fu team as well, and not just training alongside them, but with them.

        The last couple of years have been an important part of my growth, as I navigate the ups and downs.  Becoming softer isn't a bad thing, for there is resiliency in being soft.  It has give.  The more that I think about it, I am exactly where I need to be.