Self Reflection

         The past couple of weeks I've definitely felt like the quality of my training has gone down, and the past week the quantity too.  I've become a bit complacent and slipping into mediocrity.  Part of it has been from work, the combination of the busyness from people trying to use up their benefits before the year end, and some tragedies that have struck my staff.  My heart aches for them and their families; and it really affects my headspace.  The other part of it has been mental and physical fatigue from the high demand I've been putting on my body training.

        I have some time off over the holidays and I'm hoping to get a bit of a reset in; clear my head, give my body a bit of a break, and get some clarity.  Intellectually I know what I need to do to get some meaningful training in again, I just need to put it back into practice.  My forms is where I've been feeling it the most lately, I can tell more often than not, that I've just been going through the motions.  I'll pick-up on something here or there and try to shift my focus, but a lot of it has been me just pushing through.

        Another part of the problem, is that I've been thinking too much about where I need to be/want to be in the future, and am not spending enough time focusing in on where I'm at right now.  I need to honor the progress that I've made and where I am right now, and worry less about where I'm going.  It's great to have a plan and ambition, but too much time spent there can be quite deflating and energy draining. 

        The Year of the Tiger, which is usually a tumultuous year for many, more so for those that are born into a Tiger year, has been one of  deep, personal introspection for me.  With that has come many questions and challenges.  By no means was it a bad year, it was a great year full of growth.  Perhaps the pinnacle of successes I've had this year has been my acceptance of my limits and my faults.  I'm always looking to better myself, and became a kinder, more compassionate being, but part of that has been coming to terms with the parts of me that will never really change, or that change less, despite my best efforts.