I am a gift

        Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the impact that I have on those around me, either through my words, actions, or even just presence.  There have been many people this year who have said that I have influenced them or impacted them this past year, even though I didn't think I had done anything so worthy.  This got me reflecting on my past year, and also forced me to look deeper.  Intellectually I know that a person can have an impact on another, even though they have never met or interacted, so why was it such a surprise to me when people said that I have had an influence on them?  I guess I tend to look outwardly at such things, through spoken word or direct action.  However, most people say that my blogs have had an impact on them this year.

        The thing about my blogs is that they are written for me, and not so much for others.  Yes they are public, because I wish to share my journey, but the content is meant to serve me, to allow me to organize my thoughts, to garnish new insights into myself and my training, and to act as a history text, so that I may look back and see what has been a repeating pattern, and what I have grown past.  For that reason, it never occurred to me that my personal journey would have such an impact on others.  Looking at it now from an outside perspective, I can see how others can relate to my journey.  Even though it is very specific to me, it can be very relatable to others.  It is a gift in a way, that blogging about my journey and the insights I have gained, can help others find  insight into their own journey.

        This lead me to think about my actions and presence when I'm around others.  I may not interact with every single person individually, but that doesn't mean that I don't have an impact on each individual.  People are watching, even when I think they are not, or hoping they are not at times.  I can be very self conscious around others.  When it comes to my Kung Fu training, I tend to block out as much as I can and just focus on what I'm doing.  So that serious look you see on my face when I'm training, that's just me concentrating really hard on what I'm doing.  I promise I'm not angry.  

        Even though I may not always view myself in this way, I am a gift to others.  I can only hope it is in a positive way that adds value.