I am an explorer

         Ruins, temples, trails, caves, or places may not be things that I explore much of, but there is a rich inner world of exploration that will take me a lifetime to map.  I am an explorer of self.  There are many questions I have about myself that I'm still uncovering answers to.   Nooks and crannies are teeming with lessons to be learned.  This year has been about diving deep within myself; even exploring the dark crevices I hoped would stayed buried, but nothing stays hidden forever.

        On my path to self improvement, the Year of the Tiger, like it has in past cycles, has challenged me.  Though I am better equipped to navigate the ups and down, twists and turns it brings, this year's challenge has me unearthing the uglier parts of myself that I tried to ignore.  It has been an important step in my journey.  As hard as it is to look at those parts of yourself, there is a lot to be learned; and there is a lot to be gained in terms of inner peace.  Typically we recognize those pieces and we either ignore them and hope that we forget that they are there, or we suppress them, until like a pressure cooker, the steam needs to come out.  By not only acknowledging that those uglier parts of ourselves exist, but addressing them, can we begin to heal and move on.

        I've still been having trouble with sleep, and have spoke with a few professionals on the matter.  It's not an issue of falling asleep, but an issue with staying asleep and feeling that what sleep I do get is light.  Where as stress and anxiety tend to create a busy mind and prevent one from falling asleep, deep inner work and transformation could be the cause of the light restless sleep.  Not only has this Tiger year been challenging, but transformative.  It has been a year of reflection, processing and working through various issues.

        My greatest tool throughout this all has been the "I am" project.  Each new word has been an opportunity to further explore my inner world.  It has given me a chance to create an inner dialogue and question myself, especially the words I think don't apply to myself.  Since I write organically, I often find that the original train of thought changes, for I have discovered something new that no longer fits the old way of thinking, and often I will answer the question I had just asked.

        So although I'm not travelling to distant lands to explore something new, I still have plenty of places within myself to search to find deeper meaning in my life.