Resentment

         Lately I've been thinking about resentment and how it manifests for me.  I try my best not to harbor these emotions for long, but sometimes they like to linger.  I find stuff like this can become a cancer on the body if you don't deal with it sooner or later.  I meditate on it, I practice gratitude, and I vent about it to create space.  Despite my best efforts it persists.

        This year has felt like a bit of a holding pattern for me, filled with ups and downs.  There has been some really trying times full of psychological stress, and there has been some very joyous times full of things to celebrate.  Overall though, it feels like I'm waiting for something to give energetically before I can move forward.  I know that timing can be everything and sometimes these holding patterns are just you waiting for the right moment of alignment to occur.  It has been a very trying time.  As much as I have made progress in various areas of my life, I still feel like there is more to come that I'm just waiting for that one domino to fall that will be the catalyst of more change.

        I still have my business which I am actively trying to sell.  This has by far been my biggest hurdle this year.  I felt quite defeated/broken back in March, and that carried through for sometime after that.  There was a lot of mental and emotional turmoil to sort through, which I still am, hence the resentment.  I had a lot of negative physiological stressors too.  When you're used to feeling like the energy bunny and all of a sudden it takes all you have to get out of bed and get going, it messes with your mental state.  As far as the resentment goes, it comes from the sacrifices I made to make sure that my staff were taken care of, but that they didn't see or understand what I gave up so that they could thrive.  So now I'm trying to move on past it all and start anew.