Subjective vs. Objective

           I’m a feeler type when it comes to my training.  I recognize that this type of training can be a bit of a double-edged sword.  On the one hand, I can feel or sense that something is off in a technique and explore why.  On the other hand, something can feel “good”, when it actually isn’t.

           The demo we did for Canada Day, was a great example of how this “feel” type of training can be skewed.  From the start of my demo form, I felt my foot slide back on the slippery stage floor, and so I became very hesitant with some of my stances, being cautious whilst holding a live blade.  As I sheathed my sword and walked off the stage, my internal dialogue was saying, “Well, that wasn’t great, but that was my chance”.  The recording that Sihing Csillag took was a different story.  I didn’t see what I felt.  In fact, I looked better than what I felt.  It was a reminder to step outside of myself and what I’m feeling and get something more subjective, like a video recording, or having an outside eye looking.  

          Ego can manipulate what is truly going on.  In the spirit of our conversations with honesty, Ego is not always forthcoming.  Although my training based off of feeling has led me far, I recognize that I also need to rely on my instructors and what they see, what the camera captures, and my own eye for detail in what I see others doing versus what I’m doing.