Intent and Spirit

         After taking a year off from the team, I'm happy to be rejoining the I Ho Chuan for the Ox year.  My personal goals this year include: performing Lao Gar 1&2; creating a form for the karambit (my weapon); run a marathon; have at a minimum 200 more pages written in my novel; and continuing to work on my relationship with my sister.

        I'm writing these goals out as my intent to myself, my team, the universe, as to what I want to accomplish this year.  Recently I asked Sifu Brinker for his opinion on aligning spirit and intent outside of the Kwoon.  That conversation has led to a lot more self reflection.  Is my spirit aligned with the intentions I've set for myself this year?  This was one of many questions I've asked myself.  It led me down a rabbit hole which led me to a realization.

        Like many, I've fallen into the trap of identifying my sense of self (my spirit), with what I do, my accomplishments.  I am a person of many masks.  I am Nigel the acupuncturist.  Nigel the business owner.  Nigel the husband.  Nigel the friend.  Nigel the son.  Nigel the writer.  Nigel the student of Silent River.  In each of these, I am wearing a mask, portraying myself as who I am in these situations.  It got me thinking as to who I was at my core, that spirit.  My conclusion is the closest I am to my true Spirit, is when I'm at home by myself with these thoughts, or in how I react to a stressful situation, or how I act when I am free of stress.  It also made me ponder, as Nigel the student of Silent River, my future with the Kwoon.  It made me think of the black belt.  I realize I'm only at orange and black is a ways off, but nonetheless the thought crossed my mind.  Am I doing this because I want another mask to wear?  I'm Nigel the orange belt now, maybe one day Nigel the black belt; but is that who I am at my centre?

        I look forward to starting this next year with my teammates and finding the answer to those questions.