Gratitude and Being Mindful

         Something that I have always had a hard time with, and something that I've been recently working on, is in being more mindful and having gratitude.  Before I go any further, when I say I have issue with gratitude, I mean I have issue with gratitude in relation to myself.  I am by far my harshest critic, and find it difficult to hold space for gratitude within myself.  Even having others say nice things to me, I tend to shrug off.  I don't think I deserve the praise.  For the past week and a bit now, at the end of the day before going to bed, I go through my day and list all the things I am grateful for that transpired (Sifu Brinker told me about this exercise).  It wasn't until last night that I realized my gratitude was all for external things, like that morning cup of coffee my wife got me, or for cuddles I got from my dog.  Last night was the first that I gave myself gratitude for the things that I accomplished in a day.

        This exercise has helped me come to a few realizations:

     1. It helps to actually clear my mind before bed, and I've noticed my mind races far less;

     2. It has given me the mindfulness, the awareness of the things that have gone right in my day, external               and internal, and not just what went wrong;

    3. It's not that I dwelled more on the negative, though that is what tends to happen, but that I didn't give much space for the positive that was happening around me; and,

    4. It's helping me to appreciate more in the moment, my accomplishments throughout the day.  Great example today, was when throwing a spinning back kick, my hip mobility has improved to open up the hip enough to throw out a proper kick and not have it swing like I used too.

        Like many, the past year was challenging, but despite all the challenges, I am aware that I have still made improvements.