Seeing old things with new eyes

         I keep finding new ways to fall in love with my training and sometimes it is as simple as seeing things with new eyes.

        A lot of inspiration comes from helping out at the level 1 class.  The lessons being taught are similar to the lessons that I was taught at that level, but now I have the experience to perceive them at a deeper level of understanding.  As a white belt, everything was new, but you were also just trying your best to learn the movements.  Sure I'd ask why, but it was definitely coming from a more superficial space.  Now that my level of understanding is different, I can explore more of the benefits these "basic" techniques have to offer.  It's also nice to be able to apply that understanding and show and explain to other students that are asking questions about those techniques.  Sure I have my biases about why I do things the way I do, but I am also viewing these techniques for their potential (future applications), versus just taking the technique at face value.  I also see students make the same mistakes I made.  For instance last night we went over wrist escape into arm bar, and then if they wanted they can corkscrew the other person down to the ground.  Once that element was introduced, a lot of students started focusing on taking their partner to the ground and totally neglecting the first part of the technique which is the arm bar.  I don't blame them either, I still get tripped up when we add more to a new technique, because duh, you're now thinking about that part and not what came before it.  Like telling you not to think about elephants.  Guess what?!  You're now thinking about elephants.  So I have that empathy for them in their learning journey.

        As for my own training, I'm still really enjoying the Tai Chi.  We spend the class on "one" movement, but there is just so much to pick apart in that movement.  So many details, and also a lot of feedback from the self-awareness in what my body is doing and feeling.  I'm definitely creating new connections more and more to the rest of my training and it is all very much interconnected.  It has also been difficult to a degree.  As my symptoms have progressed I am no longer full of boundless energy, i have been feeling, GASP, winded at times and short of breath.  Along with that, my chest has a general feeling of tension/tightness.  I'm very aware of what is going on, and even though I can look at myself in the mirror and see that my shoulders are relaxed and my center is in my hips, I still very much feel like all of my energy is in a band across my chest and upper back.  When it is really bad, it is into my throat/neck.  Even though I knew that one day this would be a reality, it has been difficult to adjust too; and I know my journey with it is going to get more difficult before it gets better.

        Aside from all that, things have been looking up in my personal life.  Really looking forward to baby coming.  Been reading to them most nights.  Helping Sara stretch out.  Been spending more time with friends.  Making some headway on selling off the business.  Getting into a good groove with my mediations.  Been reading more.  Getting better with my sleep routine.  Just feeling better and less emotionally heavy.